Some say that distance bring two people closer, more you go far the more you have the longing for each other. Just like you crave for a chocolate pie in the middle of a night, you start craving for each other, to meet, to see, to hug, to feel each others presence around.. It makes your bond stronger and your love grows intense with each passing day.
But have you ever wondered what if things fade off? What if its just you holding on to the love while you are being forgotten? Scary as it sounds, scarier it is in reality! For some distance mean nothing when the emotions are real but for some physical presence is the key to hold on to a relationship, if you are gone out of sight you are gone out of their mind and heart. For any relationship to work it takes equal efforts from both sides and genuine emotions and feelings for each other. One sided efforts and feelings can never save a relationship no matter how hard you try or how true your feelings are, you will be heartbroken at the end of the day! While for you everything remains the same, for them nothing remains the same, starting from their tone while talking to you to the way they used to call your name, to asking about your whereabouts, the intensity of calls, msgs, ‘miss you’s’, everything comes down to almost zero. And the day you realize all of it, they’ll tell you that they are done and that they don’t feel anything anymore for you. Suddenly the butterflies in your stomach dies.. Your voice gets numb, your soul starts trembling as though the world is about to collapse! Until you get a hold of yourself, get up and try to absorb what just happened, they are already gone out of sight for you to even ask “Why?”
“Why?” “Why did they leave?” As they leave you unanswered, you start questioning yourself, you start to find faults in yourself to justify why they left, you crumble in your bed like a dried flower questioning your whole existence.. You cry your lungs out, you pray for them to come back, you try to breathe but anxiety takes a toll! You try to clear the misunderstandings, you try every possible way to make that person stay, but they leave anyway as you already faded away long back.. They no longer remember your beautiful smile, they no longer remember your favorite color, they no longer remember that ‘hmm’ makes you angry and seen and unreplied texts makes you anxious.. You try hard to make them remember the good times, the beautiful moments spent together, your first date, your first ride together, the plans you made together, the future you saw.. But none of it would matter as they already left you long back even before letting you know. You were fading while they were pretending to remember, you faded the night they slept without wishing you ‘Goodnight’!
Maybe it’s time for you to let go too? Maybe it’s time for you to forget too.. Moving on is a choice, they made theirs, its time for you to make yours too..!
I bite my lips and hold my tears, your thoughts won’t let me take a break, not even for a single day!
It’s been months that you left me, you never looked back like you told me while leaving. I stopped knocking at your door too, my soul got tired as you never opened the door for me again but I kept waiting for days hoping for you to open the door without me having to knock one more time. Hope never dies does it? But it did, you made sure to block the rays perfectly.
Yes like you said I am an emotional fool. Pretending to be strong, pretending to be happy, singing along with my folks, dancing to the happy beats, life goes on isn’t it? Time heals everything they say.. No it doesn’t, you just get used to the wounds, the pain, the void and learn to control the urge to make that another effort.
Some days are okay, I feel the rain, I admire the sunset, I stare at the moon, I breathe, but some days my heart aches with the pain of your thoughts and your absence, the screams in my head gets louder, loud enough to numb my soul and stop my breath! You hate it when I tell you that You leaving me left me broken beyond repair.. I try to fix the pieces but they fall apart every single time.You hate to hear about the pain you caused me, you hate to believe that you broke me while you left with a smile and a sigh of relief. You seem happy these days, sometimes it hurts to see you happy without me… But atleast one of us is smiling and maybe that’s enough for now!
I haven’t been able to make peace with the way you left, I haven’t been able to forgive you yet (not that you apologized), maybe sometimes you just can’t, for the wound is too deep or maybe sometimes you don’t need to and let it be..!